Converting Criminality

In yet another twist in the perversion of societal norms, criminals are now being paid to not be criminals. Here is a short list of how this works.

Hackers – After getting caught hacking and causing all kinds of harm and stealing property, hang your legal shingle out and hack for the man.

Gangbanger – Once you have established your street cred, (jail/prison time, tats, etc.), you can become a “community organizer” funded by the very people who incarcerated you previously.

Drug Dealer – This is the newest transition. Now that marijuana is becoming legal just about everywhere, former corner drug dealers (and equity) demand they be given franchises. Presumably the Small Business Administration will assist them in setting up their shops.

Ministry – This is the oldest path of converting (pun intended) your criminality into “God’s work”. Go on-line and fill out a form to get your “Doctor of Divinity” diploma. Open up a store front where you don’t have to pay property taxes and put in your bid for any number of grants given to non-governmental agencies such as your now bonafide “church”. Heck, do it well enough and you might find some situation on which you can grandstand in front of a camera and you may even find yourself on national TV with your own show!

Politician – This is a reverse situation. You may have started out as a clean-cut American hell bent on making a positive difference but once you get in, you see how easy it is to feather your nest and those around you. While your salary is average, the perks are fantastic and the book deals pay big money. Better yet is the post official office holder remuneration from the lobbying and pay back for all that you did for…your supporters.