Wanted

8/27/25

Looking for a new gig? One that brings out the inner warrior in you? A chance to travel the country and let your freedom flag fly is here. We have several positions available right now. Numerous organizations are offering good pay and perquisites for people to be professional agitators. See if you qualify!

Chanter: This position requires a strong voice and the ability to hold signage for extended periods of time. The successful candidate will be assigned to various public events where they will gain notoriety with media based on their vitriol. No previous experience is necessary, but a natural internal anger is a prerequisite.

Parody Singer: The Parody Singer role is ideal for those who idolize “Al Yankovic”. The Parody Singer is tasked with writing new lyrics to old songs, teaching them to others and then leading the group in rousing renditions for media. You’re a “hitmaker” with all the accolades that go with it. No musical talent is necessary but appropriate clothing (ex. Tie-dyed t-shirts, muumuus) may be required.

Attendee: This position requires the ability to sit for long periods of time looking interested. Successful candidates will pan for media while attending Congressional hearings, trials, Civic boards and other public gatherings. This position often supplies uniform clothing. Ability to show disdain and anger is required.

Spokesperson: This high level position is the pinnacle role. Ability to use extensive progressive language is imperative. Providing nothing of substance while occupying airwaves is the foundation of success. The successful candidate will likely have some distinguishing physical attribute (race, disability, tattoos) that enhance their ability to commandeer the media and fill their need for content.

Come join the resistance! You’re probably not working anyway so hop on the Soros bus and get yourself to that next rally where you can join others in a singalong that is sure to enhance your standing with the others there. Hint: Leave the Tesla at home.